Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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