Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
