cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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