Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
