I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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