This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
