you will always have a special place in my vag
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
