I looked at my own cervix.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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