I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
