he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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