You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
