Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
