Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
