Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
