how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
