If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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