K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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