So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
