He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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