i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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