I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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