I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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