We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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