guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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