if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
whose parrot is this?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry about my life...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
