id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
