There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
