He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
