in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
