turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
