dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
