Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
