Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
