There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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