Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
