im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
