I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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