Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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