I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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