In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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