butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
