3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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