the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
