Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
