11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i now understand why vodka
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
