i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
