dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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