I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
