my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
