my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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